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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?